[jimanddarla]

I'm sorry to hear about your loss.

Zach is not a replacement for your lost baby. Of course you know that, but sometimes it needs to be said.

We lost James during week 16 of Darla's pregnancy in December of 2003. It still hurts to think about him too. After our loss we did things to try to acknowledge his existence for each other. Special ornaments, a Christmas stocking, etc... One thing Darla did for me was buy me this father-son Willow figurine. I just couldn't look at it. Well I was cleaning out the storage unit last weekend and found it. You know what - I still can't look at it. I don't see it and think of Abraham and myself... I think of the future James and I never had together.

This year we'll be spending time with family, including my cousin. Her son, Matty, was born within two weeks of James' due date. He is a very cute and sweet boy, but every time we look at him we think of James and how big he would be. Would he be riding a bike? What about friends? What foods would he like? What toys would he be getting for Christmas this year? He wasn't the firs loss for us nor the last, but he was the closest we ever got to a birth.

Beth there is nothing wrong with you. You have been through hell. Keep the children you never got to spend Christmas in the back of your mind as you see that sweet little boy open his presents on Christmas morning.

Jim