[tomandcate]

We hear our sons' first moms called "mom" too at times from our family, although we probably hear the name or "birthmom" more often. I guess it used to bother me more than it does now, although there's always a little twinge when I hear it. Sometimes I answer as if they're talking about me...sometimes I just answer the question because I know who they're asking about...depends on how I feel. The bottom line is I know how much our families absolutely adore these two boys, so I know their hearts are always in the right place...and I really doubt they will use those terms when the boys are old enough to understand, because it would be confusing...if nothing more than from a semantics perspective.

Although I do try to educate people as I go (especially if they will be around my boys long-term) I've decided not to let any "poor adoption language" bother me unless I believe it is coming from bad intent.

You have to go with your heart. It's okay not to be okay with terms you don't want used around your kids!

Cate

(ETA: To me there is a difference between calling first mom "mom" and calling her "the real mom" - I will always have ruffled feathers on that one just because it so does not make sense to me.)