I'm not sure if this will help or not, but I thought I'd share my own experience with this subject. I relinquished my son back in the "closed era" of adoptions. However, when he was 13 years old, his parents went to the adoption agency and asked if they could locate me and bdad. DS was having a lot of problems, and they wanted an updated medical/social history. Fortunately, both his bdad and I had gone to the agency a couple years before, when he was 11 y/o. At that time, we received non-identifying info on DS, and we both signed waivers of confidentiality, just in case his parents ever needed contact.
When I found out the extent of his problems, I offered to pay a monthly amount toward his treatment and care. The post-adoptions social worker declined the offer, stating that they had been able to find a loophole in California state laws, and they had awarded his parents a subsidy on a retroactive basis. She said that if I sent any money directly for him, that amount would be subtracted from their subsidy. The SW, though, suggested I create a trust fund.
I followed her advice, and all arrangements were made through an attorney and the agency. I was not informed of their last name or address or any indentifying info.
My parents also decided at that time to include DS in their wills. And the attorney and agency were able to do that also.
Of course, that all changed when DS turned 18 and wanted to reunite with his birth family. My parents were able at that time to list him by his legal name on their Last Will and Testament. I was able to do the same on mine.
Just a head's up... my parents both always considered DS to be their first-born grandchild, even though I relinquished him at birth. That kind of surprised me, since they weren't very supportive emotionally when I was pregnant with him. But emotional ties are complicated, and people often don't foresee what they're going to feel about anything in the future.
Good luck. I'm sure there is a legal way to accomplish this. I think it's awesome that your son's bgrandfather wants to include him in his will.
