[Saya]

Originally Posted by Rubi

I hear what you are saying...I just don't think me and DH is ready to open up the adoption yet (just on emosional level...)Ok, but say one day if we would develope a relationship between my son and his b gf.....How do I explain to my oldest son that they are brothers, family ect, but that this is not his(my oldest son) grand father?

(Sorry...I think I'm hijacking my own post! )

I guess I'd just say, families can be complicated and families through adoption can be REALLY complicated. In my opinion, that's part of what we take on when we decide to become parents through adoption. We become parents to children who have histories beyond us. The fact is, your younger son HAS a grandfather out there who wants to meet him. That's a part of his life, and thus a part of his older brother's life as well. As long as we normalize it with our kids, it doesn't have to be a problem. I mean the older one knows the younger is adopted, right?

My cousin has two kids, both through adoption (not biologically related to each other). The older has a relationship with her birth grandmother. It doesn't in anyway change that they think of each other as brother and sister, and that they are a family.