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WOW...finding out at 42 is awful for you. I was 16 and discovered by accident. It was one of the most earth shattering days in my life. I so feel your anger and frustration. Boy do I ever.
I have to say, though, that I've learned over the years (am 43 now) that we can't be angry with the parents who withheld the information. They had reasons, ie..religion, ethnicity, fear fear fear, insecurity. It isn't right...not by any stretch of the imagination but it is a reality that we adoptees have to face. They didn't tell us to protect us from one thing or another. It was done because they loved/love us not because of some conspiracy to leave us in the dark.
If you are able to get past the anger and see the whole picture from afar...give yourself the time to do that and to put your parents lives in perspective. If they are gone now, then perhaps you can find a way to forgive them. That will unload a terrible burden from your shoulders.
Thoughts are with you...good luck on the next stage of this amazingly scary and new process.
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