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Originally Posted by beenthereb4
Thanks for the quick replies - I agree this is his thing but I am only invovled as he has asked me to be and in a previous relationship he had no support - I have told him I will stay as a silent partner and support him but he has said that he would not do this if I was not doing it with him - I also agree with LMN that there may be feelings he is not verbalizing with me - but when you say this is his thing how do I support him if I cant help him when he wants it??
Should I respond to her emails?
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You can support him by being present when he wants you to be, by giving him the lead in terms of speaking to her about his feelings and if he hands it over to you, picking up the conversation. He should feel supported if you are there every step of the way without making you the one to do all the communicating.
As for Christmas and other family events, if you don't establish right away that you and your partner and whatever children you have together or separately are a family unto itself with established traditions, you will find yourselves giving over control. Before another day goes by, you have to let her know that you have long-standing commitments (even if it's just to have the day for your own little family) without specifying exactly what they are. Don't be precise about WHAT you are doing or with WHOM, just that you have plans.
At some point, yes, it is
his b-mom but I don't think it would be out of line for you (on a one-time only basis) to tell her that you were all thankful to have had the opportunity to have the reunion but that it's a lot to process and a bit of time and space might benefit their long-term relationship. It could come as being a helpful, friendly suggestion from someone who wants to see things work out well. Reunions can end disasterously if each person isn't sensitive to the other's feeling - including recognizing the need for breathing space.