[potentialsinglemom]

Originally Posted by Boulderbabe

I really want to tell you something, in the most caring of all possible ways. I'm not picking on you---I'm worried about you.

You seem to have gotten to a really confrontational place with your kids' bparents. I totally sympathize with you. With my son's bdad, or my fdaughter's bmom, I was just so incredibly ANGRY at them. I was furious about what they'd done to the kids, furious that they had the gall to criticize my parenting, furious that they were running me from pillar to post with their ridiculous requests. So absolutely, I have 100% been where you are, and I totally understand it.

The thing is, all that fury and anger and bitterness really took a toll on my kids. I only figured it out later. But my son's acting out in day care, my fdaughter's timidity and hiding---those things were all related to my anger and frustration. I tried to hide it from them, but you know kids...they know everything that goes on in a house.

It really wasn't good for me, either. I turned into somebody I didn't recognize and didn't like. My blood pressure SOARED, and I'm still on medication for it. It was just a crummy place to be, and I didn't get much fun out of it, either. In retrospect, I so completely wished I'd backed away from my anger, worked on letting things go, and stopped chewing over every. little. slight from the bparents. Were their comments and requests reasonable? Of course not. They were flaming nuts. Duh (I tell myself), that's why the kids were in foster care!

My son's bmom still tries to get under my skin sometimes. We call every few months, even though TPR was 3 years ago. She'll try to needle me every so on. Okay, whatever. If she was Mom of the Year, I wouldn't have her kid. I feel better letting a lot of this roll off my back, and I only wish I'd adopted the policy of saying "whatever!" a lot earlier.

If you get anything out of my experience, and it helps you back away from a war with the bparents, what I went through won't have been a total waste. For you, for your kids..... I hope you find some peace.

I am more concerned about "lowlanders" health and the stress she is dealing with during her pregnancy. I have been reading your threads and I mean this with all the respect and love I can extend to you. But...is it possible that hormones are kicking in and causing some hypersensitivy to the drama you having right how. You have posted quite a bit in the past couple of days and I am glad that you are using this as an outlet. But, it is evident that something going on. Your frustration is felt in your postings.

I know you love these children but is there another solution for a short term...maybe some respite. It does not seem that the CWs are working with you. In the past, had you overextended yourself by being willing to do any and everything the parents and CWs requested? We teach people how to treat and respect us, and others tend to expect consistency whenever you've been so compliant in the past.

When the baby comes these same problems will still be there. I am worried that you have issues with balancing the crying of your own biobaby at night and the constant complaints of the FC parents during the day.