[vegaschristina]

One way that we managed the ever-changing visit schedule was to let the case worker know, in a very sweet voice: "I am unavailable to drop everything and run the kids over for a visit right now since the bmom just happened to show up when a visit wasn't scheduled. I am free to bring the children tomorrow or you can come get the kids. Which would be better for you?"

Somehow, the visit got rescheduled til when I was free. This is a case of me "winning" but also the kids and the bmom "winning" because they got their visit, and I didn't have to drop everything in my schedule to accomodate their nuttiness.

We also got called once from a case worker who wanted to do a drop-in visit. He called and said he'd be at my house in 15 mintues to see the kids. I told him this: "Great, but we're at a birthday party, how about tomorrow!" His response was that he'd come by in an hour, but we were still at the party, and I wasn't punishing the kids by leaving the party early for somethat that they had no control over.

When you're a foster mom, "winning" isn't necessarily about the b-family "losing" but rather at our ability to beat the system to have a tiny measure of control over our own lives.