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Remember, however, that once you've opened the door - it is VERY hard to close it without hurting someone...but you have to do what is right for YOU and YOUR FAMILY - and as much as you want to help and support her, she needs to help and support herself. You didn't adopt her. She isn't your responsibility.
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Agreed, and I do so very much appreciate your support...but she is still family. I want to make sure that IF she ends up having to do Section 8 housing or even moving back to her own state that we've done everything we possibly can to give her the support she needs. It's the only way can live with myself. Besides, on a personal level, I really do love/admire her. She's been through hell and back and is still a beautiful person.
For my family, allowing her and her girls to come back would be very derisive. Unhealthy. Potentially dangerous because her girls are, well, 5 and 4 year olds!!
*sigh* Life wasn't meant to be easy, was it?
RavenSong,
You bring up something that Anna's counselors, my parents, my husband, and I have all wondered about. I mean, Anna didn't even shed a tear at the hospital. Well, not true. When she saw me talking to the baby (I still don't know if she heard me but can only assume she did), and I said, "Can I be your Mommy? I may not do everything right, but I'll love you forever," I did see tears...but she said it was something else.
Still, point is that she was all smiles when she left the hospital. I don't know how she was when she actually signed because she was with her counselors.
She has said from the point when she made up her mind that she was happy about the adoption, that she knew the baby would be loved and cared for in a way she couldn't provide. She also didn't want to raise another baby! Two girls! Oy! But most of all, she knew that the adoption was in-family and she trusts us to uphold our committment to the open adoption...all reasons why she was not sad. But still. Maybe she is repressing hurt and loss? If she is, she's not telling anyone.
Ravensong, what did it take to get through to you? You say you went numb. Maybe Anna is enduring that, too. How did you recognize your emotions? How did you endure?