I just applied for a SS# on Friday! The office needs to see proof of your child’s age, name, and U.S. Citizenship. We presented the adoption decree, birth certificate, and her baptismal certificate (I think you can also do hospital records, like immunization records). All the certificates have to be originals and have raised seals and all that. We did it in person and the guy looked over them all and processed it all right there. Your lady sounds very, very rude!
You can read over all the requirements here before you mail stuff off:
http://www.ssa.gov/online/ss-5.pdf
If they lose your documents, you can always request new ones (for a fee of course). It’s a good idea to order back-up originals anyhow if you don’t have them. We have two copies of our adoption decree and birth certificate in case one gets lost.
I also checked that no one had applied for a SS# for her (I suppose her birthmother could have, but why?). I also fibbed and said that I didn’t know what her “full name at birth if other than above” was. I know it, but I didn’t want it on the form. It didn't seem relevant to me as she has always used our name for her.