[cetalley]

Originally Posted by melissa_bear003

I'm the one that stated it on the aparents board, so I thought I'd comment here as well.

I think its completely and totally unfair and ridiculous that paps can pay thousands of dollars in support and health care monies, and basically be told too bad, try again. How many people can afford to take that ride, time and again?

I completely agree and support that a woman has the right to change her mind and parent. No question.

But, when someone has paid your living expenses, health care, etc, then yes, I do think you should be obligated to pay that back. Why should the paps have to be out that money? Why should anyone be financially supported for months? It is a style of contract (or at least, that's my view of it) and while either party can cancel at any time, I really think its wrong that paps are the ones that end up financially stuck. I think it should be viewed as a sort of loan, to be paid if the contract is cancelled. I don't find that coersion, but being responsible for one's actions. If you accept money, knowing that the intention is to adopt, then decide to parent, then yes, you should pay the money back. The funds aren't a gift, they're viewed as a part of the pap's responsibility (in some areas).

I agree with Melissa___bear, I do not feel money should enter into the process. I do not have a solution to this extorsionistic(SP?) type of agency business. I do not know what the parents whom adopted my twin sons, paid, and I do not know if they were in on the corecion - threats, that I endured. I was naive to think that all things done for me is what the agency provided, as a part of working with me to place my sons with loving parents. In the past 6 wks or less, I found out that the agency I went through had it license revoked and several extortion charges have been placed against them, this all happened in 1986, when my twins were taken from me. When I gave birth I fell in love with my twins...I so did not intend for that to happen, and was NOT at all prepared to take 2 babies home...I had not 1 diaper in my apt....so I had full intentions to place, upon calling SW to tell her I could not relinquish...I was threatened with foster care and a judge may also place my 6 yr old into foster care...UNTIL EVERY DIME was paid, then I still may not get ANY of my sons back...so I signed. The expenses were NEVER asked for by me, all was being TAKEN CARE of by the AGENCY....or so I thought. Needless to say, each of our journies are different. My sons were illegal adopted, and blackmarketed to the highest bidder. I will NEVER trust as I did...NEVER. I have lost so much and the only comfort I allow myself is to think they have great parents, are happy and healthy. I must wait to know, if and when I get to meet them. I do not know why some Mothers do not wish to meet and know their children, but I do know we ALL have reasons, and can only HOPE that one day they may be able to face their past and forgive theirselves.....Sorry for the rant, just gave my perspective of coercion and the price I had to pay....