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Originally Posted by Jackiejdajda
Beattie says we have a responsibility to take care of ourselves.. to sort the tapes that go round and round in our heads.. understand that your mom was speaking from a mind that was wrong.. thoughts that were wrong..
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Jackie, I know logically that my mom was wrong in her thinking...I know this as an adult. But when I was a little kid, I thought my mom was all-powerful and always right. That is what I'm fighting now inside myself. That little girl inside who still thinks her mommy is always right. I'm trying so hard to sort everything out, but it gets confusing.
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Originally Posted by Jackiejdajda
Look at that statement “if I couldn't do something right the first time, not to do it at all”
We learn by our mistakes.. kids learn by their own mistakes.. doing it wrong to see how wrong it is.. that’s the proper way to develop and grow and become the functioning human we need to become in order to have a good life..
We learn and we don’t do it again..
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Whoa, this part of your post gave me an 'aha' moment. Of course we learn by our own mistakes. What in the heck was my mother thinking?
"Do it right the first time, or don't do it at all." How in the world is a child supposed to know how to do something "right" the very first time, especially without being taught how to do it or being given a chance to do it and then getting it wrong. Child of a perfectionist...grows up to be...in therapy for years on end.
I was just wondering if I applied her mandate of doing it right the first time or not doing it at all when I decided to surrender my son? Was I afraid that I'd make a mistake in raising him? Did my knowledge that I would not be a perfect mother have anything to do with placing him for adoption? Or was it just too darn hard?? I don't know...but I do have something to sort out about it.