[Rondidondi]

I agree that PAPs should not pay for expectant mother expenses.
I refused financial help, I felt it was my responsibility. However towards the end of my pregnancy I was falling behind on my medical bills. M my adoption SW talked me into signing a release for my medical bills. (I couldn't put in the extra hours at work anymore. But I did work until the end of my pregnancy.) She tried talking me into getting help with my car payment and rent too, but I totally refused. From what M told me PAPs did end up paying for an ultrasound, but that's it.
The I was leaving the hospital and M was having me sign some papers (not TPR) she was trying to talk me into getting help to fix my car that was broken down. So I could go to the PAPs and see my son. I told her they promised to bring him to me and I could find a ride. She stated that she was still going to try. Later, I heard rumor that she asked them to buy me a car to make things better. Don't know for sure if this is true, but it TICKS me off! To me it sounds like a trade. I give you my baby, you give me a car.
I do believe something was said because the PAPs kept telling me that they were getting someone to fix my car and he wouldn't be expensive for me. The PA mom was even offering to loan me money until I got my tax refund. I didn't agree. So something was definately said.
When I knew I wanted to parent my son (from the moment he was born), I DID feel that I OWED him to the PAPs. That's the ONLY reason I signed papers and allowed him to go home with them prior to TPR.
I recall like it was yesterday bawling my eyes out in my son's GAL's office telling him...
"I promised him to them...They had three baby showers already...They have paid the agency...They think of him as their son...etc. He was straight forward with me and told me I had to think of NOTHING but my son amd myself. He wasn't going to agree with the adoption because I "was too unstable to make a decision." He reminded me that I was the best choice for my son and I couldn't base my decision on the gifts they gave me, the gifts they received, any money involved, how others would feel or think nor could I think of the pain they would have if I parented.
I sometimes wonder if he wouldn't have slapped sense into me, if...if I would have given them my son because, "I owed him to them." Even though I knew I wanted to parent I felt that I should have to live with the pain verses give them the pain I was feeling. It was a HORRENDOUS decision to take my son from them. I KNEW the pain they would be feeling, I didn't want to do that to them. I felt to give someone the pain I was feeling was the worse thing someone could do to another.
I am VERY VERY VERY happy I did parent my son. I do see how someone could still sign those papers though, JUST BECAUSE of the financial help she received throughout pregnancy. The thought of paying all that back and taking care a her child could be way overwhelming.
I agree 100% with Bromanchik. If PAPs aren't willing to risk the money, then don't agree to the situation. Its a gamble, it sucks, but it's true. The best solution would be to just keep expectant mother expenses out of adoption.