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One thing that always annoyed me were requests for extras when the birthparents couldn't/wouldn't make the scheduled visits.
Any disruption to our schedule would throw the kids into a tailspin and they would be confused and scared to a violent level. The birthfamily would just no-show for visits when they didn't feel like coming (and there were NO transportation or work schedule issues here), and then just request a special visit instead; or miss a visit because they knew of one of extra ones were coming up. Ex. missing a scheduled visits 1 week because the next week was the child's birthday and they knew they would see the child then.
Games like this are at the expense of the children and when a pattern emerges they shouldn't be allowed.
Now I wouldn't want a birthfamily to have to miss seeing the child on their birthday, however, alll of the catering to birthfamilies with no reasonable excuse for not showing up is too much imo, because of what it does to the children.
That aside, although it is annoying for you to have to go to another Dr. appt. for the same thing, it could be a good thing in that now the birthmom will know that you are doing everything right and the child is being taken care of and there is nothing to complain about if she just changes her actions.
As for the portrait, I am honestly impressed that she would ask for one; however, I think it should occur as a visit with CW supervision. If she wants to spend a visit with her child having portraits done, fine, again I am surprised she even asked, but it should happen on the child's existing schedule, not as an extra.
The hair cut is a power-trip thing, she is grasping at any way to have control, I think it is understandable, annoying and unnecessary from our stand-point, but understandable from hers... she wants her child to look how she wants him to look, case closed.
I remember how frustrating it is, it seems like the birthfamily is being rewarded at the expense of the child, and I feel that is true, but it is the nature of the beast (foster care) so we just have to pick up the pieces for the children and move on.
Good Luck!
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K
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