[Janeytwo]

Dear LyndzyBloo,

It's so hard for me to "travel back" as it were to your age of 19; to try to remember how it was for me then so that I can share with you.

But you know, I am thinking that you have two separate issues tugging at you here. One is your past; the other your future.

The two are of course interconnected in that what you experienced in your childhood has led to choices made later; pushed you into unsafe situations. Now you find yourself pregnant, trying to deal with the surrender of your baby.

That decision alone comes with so much pain and struggle. Perhaps then you need to deal with that as its own issue and your past as another issue. Having the two overlay is maybe just too d**n much to deal with.

I hope this is coming out right. I still believe that therapy is the way for you to go in order to deal with and come back from the past. And you can come back from it - believe me on that. You're already a survivor - now the trick becomes surviving yourself.

We have a tendency to revictimize ourselves over and over. After you sign the relinquishment papers, you will have that to deal with and it can add exponentially to the pile of grief you already struggle with.

So - IMO - you need to get help on two fronts. Therapy to heal the past and also support to guide you now as you consider adoption for your child.

Keep posting in here. Go to survivor support groups and get a network of help re. the adoption. Respect the power both issues hold but separate them as much as possible, then use your inner strength to heal.

I hope this made sense. I am only speaking from experience and others may have better advice.

Much peace your way today,