[Janeytwo]

Hey All!

I agree with all the others who say money shouldn't be part of the equation. I hope we get to the point where that's a reality.

I'd like to add something that I thought was interesting.
As some of you may know, my cousin and his wife adopted 2 babies recently. One from an open adoption -one from a closed adoption.

Anyway, my cousin's dad and I were sitting having lunch a few weeks back and my uncle says, "They're planning on paying X's college tuition to thank her for the baby." Now "X" is the birthmom from the open adoption.

I did a doubletake on my uncle and said, "Why are they doing that, Unc? I know they're thankful to X for the baby and that's wonderful that they feel that way, but they don't owe her anything."

I found it interesting that my cousin and his wife didn't follow up with moneytary considerations to the girl who'd relinquished her son through closed adoption - even though they knew how to contact her as they'd been in direct communication with her attorney since she'd chosen them. Not that I think they wouldn't have given her the same offer; they are kind people. But the pressure didn't seem to be there to feel that "owing" as it were.

Please don't misconstrue that as a judgement of open vs. closed adoption. Though I am admittedly from the closed era and don't always understand the politics of OA that's not my point. (And I would rather chop off my own foot with a dull machete than risk starting that war up.)

What I'm saying is that they shouldn't have to feel like that. When my Uncle asked what I meant by my comment, I simply repied that the only person they owe a college education to is their children - not their children's parents.

I hope it's okay that I added this story here - I just thought it sort of followed along in a way.