[bromanchik]

I also do not believe in prospective adoptive parents paying an expectant mom's expenses.

However, when it happens, adopting parents go into it knowing that money is a gift. If they do not want to risk that money they should say no to the match. This system exists, in part, because adopting parents have bought into it as part of adopting. But it is a choice adopting parents make. The best way to not lose money is to not agree on that kind of support.