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I really want to tell you something, in the most caring of all possible ways. I'm not picking on you---I'm worried about you.
You seem to have gotten to a really confrontational place with your kids' bparents. I totally sympathize with you. With my son's bdad, or my fdaughter's bmom, I was just so incredibly ANGRY at them. I was furious about what they'd done to the kids, furious that they had the gall to criticize my parenting, furious that they were running me from pillar to post with their ridiculous requests. So absolutely, I have 100% been where you are, and I totally understand it.
The thing is, all that fury and anger and bitterness really took a toll on my kids. I only figured it out later. But my son's acting out in day care, my fdaughter's timidity and hiding---those things were all related to my anger and frustration. I tried to hide it from them, but you know kids...they know everything that goes on in a house.
It really wasn't good for me, either. I turned into somebody I didn't recognize and didn't like. My blood pressure SOARED, and I'm still on medication for it. It was just a crummy place to be, and I didn't get much fun out of it, either. In retrospect, I so completely wished I'd backed away from my anger, worked on letting things go, and stopped chewing over every. little. slight from the bparents. Were their comments and requests reasonable? Of course not. They were flaming nuts. Duh (I tell myself), that's why the kids were in foster care!
My son's bmom still tries to get under my skin sometimes. We call every few months, even though TPR was 3 years ago. She'll try to needle me every so on. Okay, whatever. If she was Mom of the Year, I wouldn't have her kid. I feel better letting a lot of this roll off my back, and I only wish I'd adopted the policy of saying "whatever!" a lot earlier.
If you get anything out of my experience, and it helps you back away from a war with the bparents, what I went through won't have been a total waste. For you, for your kids..... I hope you find some peace.
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