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oooh Denial.
I denied my pregnancy until I was 6 months along. I had a therapist say my denial was a GOOD thing. Is it? Of course now I wonder if I wanted to avoid the whole abortion question. But I do know I just wanted it not to be. I said 'Im starting college, so I'm stressed so I'm not getting my period' and 'I'm just gaining the freshman 15' and 'it's just gas' when the baby kicked.
I feel so sad for that girl.
When I was with my first husband I was so depressed. I remember my therapist there asking how my marriage was and me telling her how fabulous it was. I would burst into tears for no reason seemingly (by the way I've never dealt with my relinquishment in therapy, wasn't allowed to in the beginning and my later therapist sort of ignored the topic, speaking of denial).
I got 'diagnosed' as 'clinically depressed' and told I needed drugs to keep my 'chemical balance'
But I've not taken them since 1997 and I haven't been happier, more stable, more focused. What's that about?
Oh I've done all those things too! The denial things. All of them I think.
Must finish this later!
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