Janeytwo
Quote:
|
The other half of the battle is learning not to live the "trip-wire" existence. I liken myself to those guys you see in combat movies who're battled-hardened and leery. And they walk through the jungle with panther-like eyes, not trusting anyone, listening for every sound, every movement. There is also the hatred such a childhood leaves on the soul; a bitterness. I have a terrible time not with forgiving an enemy but with having the slightest compassion for them. Indifference; the ugliest of emotions.
|
Indifference towards ourselves.. that..
From Codependent No More.. Codependent Characteristics..
Page 46
Denial
Codependents tend to:
-Ignore problems or pretend they aren’t happening.
-pretend circumstances aren’t as bad as they are.
-tell themselves things will be better tomorrow.
-stay busy so they don’t have to think about things.
-get confused.
-get depressed or sick.
-go to doctors and get tranquilizers.
-become workaholics.
-spend money compulsively.
-overeat.
-pretend those things aren’t happening, either.
-watch problems get worse.
-believe lies.
-lie to themselves.
-wonder why they feel like they’re going crazy.
Major for me.. all of this.. major..
I can remember thinking.. I am walking through a fog here..
-go to doctors and get tranquilizers.
I had access to all the illegal downer drugs I could get my hands on.. and I went to the doctors to get tranquilizers..
Pills.. I like pills the very best of all..
Take a pill and bam all is well and all things are well..
And I used to watch problems get worse..
Big time..
I can remember the first time I walked down the hill near our home in Toronto and asked for help.. asked for therapy..
Decided I needed to stop my running behavior..
I am a recluse.. and I love it.. and now I see a word put on it.. me.. Denial..
Denial that its happening..
From Codependents Guide to the Twelve Steps.. page 223… Glossary of Recovery Terms..
Denial
Most of us are good at this. Denial refers to our ability to ignore what is happening, even when it is right before our eyes. We do this to protect ourselves until we are ready to face the truth. Part of us knows what’s true; part of us knows what’s real. By connecting to recovery groups and other recovering people, that part of us feels safe and strong enough to surface..
What about us sharing on this here denial.. thingee..
Jackie