Hi Carol and Jennifer Lee!
Sorry about the mix up (at least it wasn't as bad this time, right Jennifer?). Just so everyone knows, I almost always post as "JenniferS", not just plain Jennifer. And I'll typically sign the end of a message with "Jenn".
To 'Sonata' - I have been reunited for almost a year now. My relationship with my adoptive parents regarding my reunion has had some ups and downs, as can be expected. Reunion is FULL of emotions for everyone! At first, my parents were very supportive of my search (although my mom cried when I told her I was going to start searching). Then, I was reunited (by phone - my birthmom & I live far apart) with my birthmother, Annie. I quickly developed a strong relationship with Annie. We would talk on the phone for hours every week and I spent a lot of time on the computer emailing back and forth with her. Even a year later, we have "dinner dates" on Sundays and we watch Friends "together" on Thursdays (all over the phone). We don't get to visit often because I'm in school & Annie works. But, I digress.
Anyway, my point is that our relationship grew very quickly, and it hasn't really slowed down in the year that has passed. I guess that my parents never realized that finding my birthmother would be this "big". They began to get scared and jealous about two months into my reunion. They were never very vocal about it, but I could tell. Soon, though, they realized that I was just as much their daughter as I always had been. I wasn't moving away from our home in Dallas to live with Annie in Grand Rapids. I wasn't giving up my "old" life with them for a "new" one with Annie. They figured out that all of our lives just needed a little bit of re-adjusting to incorporate more people - and more love - in our lives.
But, this is just my experience. I wish I could say that every thing will work out, that your parents will extend their hearts and lives to your birthfamily. I would encourage you, however, to at least try something. The letter Carol mentioned in her post might be a good starting place. Add to that letter information about your kids, and how this is hard on them having to keep secrets. Maybe things will change, maybe they won't, but know that we're here for support either way, just as Carol and the other Jennifer
have said.
Best wishes
-Jenn