[Goudvis]

It's now nearly 4 years since we made contact. As I've said before my daughter,28 lives overseas so distance is a problem. I thought things were going reasonable well. I'm more relaxed about the situation and have not been acting so desperate as I did in the begining. We've been chatting online now and then which has been great. I did still feel that she was guarded and not sharing a lot of her personal life with me, which does make it difficult to chat with as what do you discuss, once you've asked how work is etc. Anyway I was going overseas with my mother(79) to visit my sister in Oz. Since my b daughter lives close by I offered to fly her to Oz so we could all spend some time together. She eventually declined and said I should rather come visit her for a day or 2, which I did, thinking that maybe would be good for her and I to have some alone time. I arrived late the one Sunday evening and could feel things were a little strained. I felt that she was trying very hard to keep the conversation going, obviously worried about uncomfortable silences. It upset me a little and I wished she could feel more relaxed with me. So I started worrying if I had done the right thing visiting her on my own. Anyway next day we went round the different shops doing a little shopping. It was great, I have 2 sons and always thought how great it would be to shop with my daughter. Anyway I left the Tuesday to fly back to Oz and just before she left the airport I gave her a card, thanking her for taking the time off work to spend with me, and that I really enjoyed being able to shop with my daughter. Once back home, I received a letter from her, saying that she thought the visit went well, but after reading my card she realised that we wanted different things out of this relationship. She said it was sad and painfull for her when I called her my daughter in the card, as she felt that was reserved for her dad and her late mom and that it was disrespectful to them and the bond that she has with her a. dad and did have with her a .mom. So I've decided not to respond yet while I feel so emotional and try calm down before I respond. She says she wants friendship, but I feel she can't really give me that either, since she is unable to share part of her personal life with me. I am a very open person and find it hard that she has all the walls around her, yes I can understand the walls being put up to protect her but we are talking about 4 years later. This is the second time I have been over to visit her. I've tried , yes first too much in the begining which I think is only natural, but I have backed off and given her space. I also find it strange that both times I went over to visit her, she never once had friends over to introduce me to. So now I wonder if I shouldn't just back off completely. I'm tired of trying, I'm tired of having my emotions all over the place, I don't mind her contacting me when she wants to but I feel like its time to stop persuing this relationship. I wander to if her letter isn't her way of trying to end the relationship, without saying it out directly so as not to hurt me, or maybe even putting the ball in my court so that its my fault the relationship didn't work out. I don't believe that my calling her daughter is the real issue here. If she felt she had to call me mother,(which she doesn't and that doesn't worry me at all as I realise she had a mother whom she loved very much). then I could understand her feeling disreptectful to her A. parents but I don't see how my calling her my daughter is disrepectful, she is after all my flesh and blood.