DMT - I think you just need to be prepared for the reality of what teens "out there" deal with and are used to. We have fostered teens (older than our kids) - and you have to be prepared for kids that are sexually active, stealing alcohol, using drugs, swearing like a sailor when out of your sight and bringing all sorts of inappropriate things into your home. You can "limit" but that is FAR different than ELIMINATE.
Also, you have to remember our bio kids (or attached kids in general) obey our rules because they WANT to please us because they love us and want our approval. A new child? What is his motivation? Essentially he doesn't have one. At 15, his biology is pushing him to DE-tach not ATTACH. He is supposed to be seeking independence, not dependence on strange new parents with "totally HARSH rules man!"
something you said concerned me and its this
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This is the first time we have ever had another child besides our own in our home so we still have allot to learn about this process. I would rather try at it and fail than to never try at all. Thanks again for all the advice rather it be good, bad, or indiferent.
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The problem with older child adoption is that trying and FAILING does much, much damage to the child in question. If you go in and accept this young man into your family you have to run all those worst case scenarios through your head and ask yourself what will I do WHEN that happens, not THAT wont happen to us. What will you do if he continues to access porn? What will you do if he continues to use drugs? What will you do if he swears continually around yoru other children? What will you do if he refuses to go to school or church? What if he is physically aggressive with you or your other children? If ANY of your responses include disruption ... then you need to consider that the match might not be right for you -- because really, without fail I doubt you will find any adoptive parent of older children who hasnt gone through those behaviors.
In MY opinion, having been there and done that, I would only ever again adopt/foster children smaller and younger than my smallest/youngest allowing the existing children in the family to be safe and to be an influence on the younger child, rather than the other way around.