[Jackiejdajda]

They say at a meeting that the newest member is the most important member at the meeting..
Welcome.. to our thread.. and meeting..

LyndzyBloo

There are many different people who have affected my life but there is only two I worry and wish I could change.

My mother was a wonderful women don't get me wrong but she sat there and ignored my struggle growing up. From the time I can remember till I was 14 I was being beaten, raped, and molested by her husband (my Step father "Steve"). My mother didn't have the strenght enough to leave even though she knew about my abuse and everything else and she herself was being abused by him. I wish I could have just given her the strength to leave him instead of enduring all that pain and making me go through it as well.

I am so sorry you had to go through what you went though in your childhood.. It must have been terrible..

I wish I could change my brother most of all. My brother was young when my mom died and then he was kicked out. He also knew about everything my mother and I were enduring but he chose not to bother him and he would often leave the house. Now my brother is almost 30 and to this day he still won't talk about my mother. He will not even touch the subject and when I bring it up, he shuts me out and changes the conversation. I wish I could show my brother that he's not a bad guy and by expressing any feelings about my mother isn't going to to make him look weak in any kind of way.

You are writing about what happened..
Dealing with our past is so darn important.. going back and sorting all the terrible things that happened through therapy or journaling..

There are some good books out there.. on how to recover from all this..
Alice Miller is prime..

I am using Melody Beatties book.. Codependents Guide to the Twelve Steps.. in this thread.. and in the back of that book there are lists of books to help a person that has gone through what you have gone through..

Steve effected my life in so many ways its hard to comprehend. He beat me for no reason making me think that I was always wrong and insignficant. He raped me and molested me to the point, where I see sex as a chore and not something fun or exciting. He called me so many names pulling my self esteem down the tubes, and making me think that I was "stupid" and that "the dog's smarter than me" and that "my mother doesn't/never loved me". He's made me so paranoid about men and have PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder), that I got discharged from the Army because I blacked out everytime I was yelled at by a male Drill Sergeant. He tore apart my family and denies every minute of it. I went to school with black eye's and blue handprints on my face!!! I lived off the streets for two years because he refused to help me even though he put me through all that! If I could go back or if I could change him at all, I'd either kill him or stick him in jail so he knows what its like to be held down and have somebody else stick it to him!

I'm sorry everybody

I thank you for sharing.. I urge you to share more..
What happened to you is going to affect your life.. has to.. must.. but I bet you can turn it around and work on yourself..
Was Steve an addict or an alcoholic? There are meetings you can go to in your journey to whole..
Adult Children of Alcoholic.. I have been to ACA meetings and I have heard the shares similar to what you have shared here..
I say fight for your recovery.. work every darn day to get right with yourself and change what this terrible man has done to you..

I am glad you are here..

Can you share on how these terrible things have affected your life? Do you think you react in a negaive way towards some people or all people?


Jackie