[Jackiejdajda]

Quantum

Not feeling important enough, that's an issue that is a big one for me. A lot of relationships I've been in have just emphasized that.
Don't you think that is also part of what contributes to a lot of us relinquishing? I wasn't in a place to be a good enough mom. I was just a kid. Parts of this decision were too important for me to be involved with.

I think that feeling of not being good enough has been with me all my life..
“I could have been a contender!” I would say to my sister.. and she would look at me and say.. “You are talking just like mom.. and I wish you would stop it.”
I wanted her approval.. and I always felt I fell short of the mark..

I know affirmations help with this.. but I get lazy and don’t do them..

This from Melody Beattie.. Gratitude.. Affirming the Good Things in Life.. page 17

Affirm Yourself

I used to think affirmations were, well, silly. I have since changed my mind—and my life. I changed my mind because affirmations are a tool that helped me change my life.

To “affirm” means to say positively, declare firmly, or assert to be true. The concept of using affirmations is closely connected to another term, empowerment. To “empower” means to give ability to, enable, or permit.

Through the messages we received in our family of origin, through living with the “rules,” being shamed, being deprived, many of us have developed a repertoire of negative ideas about ourselves, other people, and even about life. We may have said, thought, and believed these messages for years. We may have a disciplined ritual for changing these messages. Many of us have repeated these beliefs so long that we’ve internalized them.. The negative messages have become so embedded in our subconscious they have manifested themselves in our lives. They’ve become our premises, our truths, and therefore our reality.


She goes on to say we can change that old negative thinking..
And I agree that because we are so negative (some of us) we give our children up because we absolutely believe we are not good enough..
I know I believed that.. I never even questioned keeping him.. the challenge I had was to abort or relinquish..
I fought the abort.. and forced myself into some learning..

An ex-husband of mine said different things that still hurt. I want to let them go. When discussing with his band about touring all summer, he had another full time job, I made the 'mistake' of speaking up. He made sure to let me know later 'that was NONE of my business'. When I'd nearly left him a couple of times and things were really bad, he finally quit the band, he made sure to let me know 'I'm not quitting because of you.' (because I'm not important enough to quit for?)

I think we pick our mates from that place of negativity.. I married the one that was tossed out of the bars after closing.. that skated on the edge of total failure.. and I wondered why I was living this life with him.. when my childhood was so chaotic.

When my husband quit drinking and acting out in 1985 I used to be ready for him to act out.. vigilant..waiting for it..
Waiting for the crazy difficult time again..
It was in me.. I finally got it that it was me.. that was heading into the negativity.. I chose it.. and I lived it..

When leaving my second husband all he said to me was 'what am I going to do for money now?' again, I'm not important enough, not me, it wasn't about loving me, it was about paying his rent, his telephone bill.

Its about loving ourselves and doing those affirmations that Beattie speaks of.. immersing ourselves into positive thinking of ourselves..
Loving ourselves to put up boundaries and saying no to the one that wants to use us.. “No I wont.. and I am not afraid of being left alone.”

Now I have two small girls. I am THE most important person to them. I try to be worthy of that. Sometimes it's overwhelming though. I'm not sure I feel quite comfortable being important.

Its old tapes..

Its doing the work of changing what we think of ourselves..

Jackie