[Jackiejdajda]

Janeytwo

On having conversations with ourselves..

You wrote..

Wow! That's a powerful answer and a true one. I hadn't noticed it before but I haven't really conversed with myself about all this. I've just sort of been reliving it... rat-a-tat style...like disjointed memories...like an amnesia victim remembers. But I don't suppose I've discussed with myself from a sane, bi-partisan point of view. Discussed it as if I'm someone else in here talking to me. Huh. I'm wondering if that has to do with all those years of coming back from institutionalization. You know....the old....if you talk to yourself you're nuts routine.

Old wives tales that are not true.. there is an illustration in one of John Bradshaws books of him sitting with his inner child.. little Johnny..
Bradshaw said at one time he had conversations with himself on a daily basis..
The adult talking with the child.. telling the child in him/us that I love him/her no matter what.. no matter what..

A nurturing parent finally coming to help.. give a hug.. give a love and sort some of the things sorted the wrong way around because kids (when trauma happen to them) do not have the depth of understanding to sort things as an adult would..
Seeing where the emotions are taking a person off in another direction.. shame etc..

Yeah and that voice says, "Please find a way for this not to happen! Find a way!! Find some way!!" And always under that dang god forsaken clock!! I am going to start an organization called DTIC; death to industrial clocks!! And my first dictate will be to destroy all little white metal-rimmed industrial clocks! They will all now have to be pink or blue.........uhmmmmmmmm.....that was a Fruedian slip. Never mind! They will now have to be gold with purple faces! There!

Adults that are into them ‘self’ seem to be able to weather the terrible things that happen in life.. seem to be able to know that ‘this will pass’ and all will be well and all things will be well.. again..
Know because of the depth of self knowledge.. the knowing the wisdom of years..
The trouble is we (some of us as always) are still reacting to some of life’s terrible terrible happenings as a child..this without really knowing in our bones that it will pass and there is no blame.. And know that there are some things we cannot control.. or change.. all we can do is wait till its over..

On being addicted to pain.

Yeah. I think I've used things as a blanket. A sort of "I'll look at this by not looking at it and so then I looked at it, sort of insanity. And Jackie, I'm sick of it!!

Ya got to turn around and face it.. IMO
And learn learn the wisdom of those that have walked the path before..

And you're right about what you wrote about the 12 Step dogma. I had inquired about starting an ODAT in here, but the AFG was all up about using CAL on non-AlAnon forums. I had to site this and credit that. For crying out loud!!!

I can remember being at an Alanon meeting and a parent (that had a child addicted to drugs) was told they must find another meeting because this is for those who have a loved one addicted to alcohol..
I got very upset..

But I am doing codependency here.. aka Melody Beattie.. her books..
Codependent No more.. and her twelve steps..
Entire different program.. and I will not be quoting from the Alanon books..
They want to keep it pure and that’s okay.. the meetings help people..

In the meantime, tonight I will have a conversation with myself about how this all feels, even though the answer scares me.

We could do a one day at a time spiritual thing in this thread Janey..
Just not Alanon literature..
I have been to Adult Children of Alcoholic meetings where they used Melody Beatties The Language of Letting Go as a reading..

Jackie