When my child gets this disregulated, I restrain her to keep everyone safe. She will fight, but eventually she will learn that I am strong enough to keep her safe. Once she calms down, I hold her in my lap and look into her eyes and let her know that I love her. I never make my children apologize for actions that happen during a rage. I don't think they are intentional actions, instead they are acting out intense feelings. They should not have to apologize for their feelings. I do make them fix any damage they did. If I get scratched, they have to put lotion on my scratches. If I get peed on, they have to wash the clothes. If furniture gets broken, they have to do chores to earn $ to replace it. They must learn that these things are not acceptable. I work on the actions at home, but the feelings are addressed in therapy. Until the trauma is worked through in therapy, the behaviors will not change.
I have never had a child with birthparents visits. I so feel for you all. Its like an in-your-face reminder of the trauma they experienced. How hard that must be.
Don't strangle the child.... That would not solve the problem. Actually would create some new ones
