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I read those 'weak boundaries'
and can check the box 'all of the above' from different times in my life.
I'm feeling better, I'm feeling stronger though. I think I'm less co-dependant now...
I hope I am.
The biggest ones for me:
-laugh when they feel like crying
-stay loyal to their compulsions and people even when it hurts.
-not seek help because they tell themselves the problem isn’t bad enough, or they aren’t important enough.
Not feeling important enough, that's an issue that is a big one for me. A lot of relationships I've been in have just emphasized that.
Don't you think that is also part of what contributes to a lot of us relinquishing? I wasn't in a place to be a good enough mom. I was just a kid. Parts of this decision were too important for me to be involved with.
An ex-husband of mine said different things that still hurt. I want to let them go. When discussing with his band about touring all summer, he had another full time job, I made the 'mistake' of speaking up. He made sure to let me know later 'that was NONE of my business'. When I'd nearly left him a couple of times and things were really bad, he finally quit the band, he made sure to let me know 'I'm not quitting because of you.' (because I'm not important enough to quit for?)
When leaving my second husband all he said to me was 'what am I going to do for money now?' again, I'm not important enough, not me, it wasn't about loving me, it was about paying his rent, his telephone bill.
Now I have two small girls. I am THE most important person to them. I try to be worthy of that. Sometimes it's overwhelming though. I'm not sure I feel quite comfortable being important.
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