[JosieWales]

I totally understand your feelings. Owen had been home just about 4 months when we found out I was pg. We were in total shock, and scared out of our minds, since Owen would be 21 months when the baby was born. Having 2 under the age of 2 was not something I'd ever wanted or envisioned. Plus, that 'infertile identity' was where I'd put myself, too.

It took several weeks for the shock to wear off, and the fear never really did go away. But it gradually turned into happy fear, if that makes sense. Excitement. Owen watched his mommy's tummy grow and got excited, too. That helped.

As for fear of m/c, I'll tell you what I did. I let it go. I've had 7 IVFs and 2 m/c's. The pain those losses and failures caused was intense, crippling. What I did when I found out I was pg was this: I looked at my life. I looked at Owen, my sweet, adorable, intelligent son who called me Mommy. I looked at my husband, a strong, generous man who has loved me through the worst times of our lives. I looked at my friends and family. And I decided that if that pg ended in m/c, I WOULD be ok. I would be sad, I would grieve--but I would have Owen, Shannon, and the rest of my wonderful support system--in short, I'd still have my life, and I loved it just as it was.

My advice is to let go of your fears, misgivings, your 'identity' as an 'infertile.' Your identity comes from who you are, who you love, and who loves you. With or without this pg, you are still you. You still have your sweet son, and nothing will change that.