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Jule,.
What you are feeling is normal as others have said. You ask about that feeling of peace. Well when you look into the eyes of you little ones or watch them sleep and you get that feeling that God hand picked them just for you, that feeling is what will sustain you. Knowing that God has a baby destin to be part of your family in the same way your two others came to you. Hang on to that. If this baby was meant to be in your arms you would not have declined the match. That voice of God would have over powered evey doubt and it would have felt just right. Sure you can be sad that you had to decline, but God knows what match will be perfect for your family just like he has a plan for the baby you declined. That baby is a part of another family's plan. So my answer is basically that peace comes when you hang onto hope that all will be well. And what can better show that all is well then when we look at our children?
EZ
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http://www.october15th.com/
In Rememberance of my 3 Brothers in Heaven, who went to live with Jesus before I was born.
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