Quantum
Quote:
My dad is classic.
I've tried to please him sometimes, I end up doing all the wrong things most of the times.
I realised though, I cannot change him, but I CAN change how I react to him which in turn makes it harder for him to 'get to me'.
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I can remember when my mom made me nuts.. I would try everything I could when she got into 'it'.. Bradshaw has some things a person can do.. 'Columbling' is one of the ways to do it.. being like that TV detective Colombo.. and just confuse the person till they give up or tell the truth.. and what I tried the most was forgetting what she was saying after she stopped talking.. that did not work..
From Codependent Characteristics..
Codependent No More.. Melody Beattie.. page 49
Weak Boundaries
Codependents frequently:
-say they won’t tolerate certain behaviors from other people.
-gradually increase their tolerance until they can tolerate and do things they said they would never do.
-let others hurt them.
-wonder why they hurt so badly.
-complain, blame, and try to control while they continue to stand there.
-finally get angry.
-become totally intolerant..
-have an overall passive response to codependency—crying, hurt, helplessness.
-have an overall aggressive response to codependency—violence, anger, dominance.
-combine passive and aggressive responses.
-vacillate in decisions and emotions.
-laugh when they feel like crying.
-stay loyal to their compulsions and people even when it hurts.
-be ashamed about family, personal, or relationship problems.
-be confused about the nature of the problem.
-cover up, lie, and protect the problem.
-not seek help because they tell themselves the problem isn’t bad enough, or they aren’t important enough.
-wonder why the problem doesn’t go away..
Maybe we can share on any one of these..
Me.. I would cover up, lie, and protect the problem..
I was so afraid to speak out about my life.. when I first went for therapy I did not tell her I had given my son up for adoption.. I had protected the lie in my family.. my sister and I stopped speaking after a few years and she was cut off from myself and my mother and my dad..
Not seek help.. big..
Jackie..