[Devora]

Although this is headed in a bit of a different direction than the original post (perhaps we should start a new thread?), I do want to respond to this:

No matter what your background or what lead you to adoption, adoption is merely the process

I understand your reaction that

A child does not need a title.

However, adoption is more than simply the process by which we bring our children into our families. If that was the case, then adoption would be over and done with at the time the legal process is completed. It would merely be a story that we tell our children about something in the past. I believe it's much more than that for our children.

While every adopted person thinks about and responds to adoption differently, the fact is that they do think about and respond to it throughout their lifetimes in ways that I (and probably most of us who aren't adopted) have never once thought about being born. It is not the sole part of their identity, but it is an important facet of their life experience. It will shape their understanding of family, kinship, heritage, racial/ethnic identity (particularly if the family is multiracial/ethnic), etc. They may have questions and longings that those of us who are not adopted will never have. They may have to come to terms with unanswered and unanswerable questions about their Guatemalan families and the circumstances of their adoption or with feelings of grief and loss, even if ours is the only family they have any memory of. They may have to figure out how they want to respond to others' questions and reactions and to being visibly "different" from the rest of their family. How they respond may be very different at different ages or in different circumstances. At some periods in life adoption will be at the forefront for our children. At other periods it will be in the background. It will likely be a very mixed bag of thoughts and emotions, even if the bottom line is that our children are happy, healthy and loved in our families.

None of this has to be negative or traumatic or painful (although sometimes it is and that pain should be respected). But it should, I think, be recognized. Adoption is a process, but it's a lifelong process -- for our children, for us as parents and for our families.

Two books that I recommend re: the idea of adoption as a lifelong process are:
* Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self by Brodzinsky, Schechter and Henig. David Brodzinsky is one of the leading researchers on adoption in the US.

* Beyond Good Intentions: A Mother Reflects on Raising Internationally Adopted Children by Cheri Register. This book is particularly insightful because it's written from the perspective of a mother whose children are now young adults so she has a longer term perspective on how different pieces of adoption played out for her daughters and for her herself at different stages of their development.

Just some food for thought.