[vegaschristina]

I'm a foster-adoptive mom and my oldest is starting to have some problems. I've started the process to have her evaluated by the school district and I'm also thinking of looking into private counseling. Is there anything else I should consider?

Nik is 5 years old and I've had her since she was 32 days. Her bmom never fought TPR and only had a few visits ever until after the adoption, when we started fostering her bio-brother. Once we started fostering Bubba, we had semi-regular visits, and when she was about 3 1/2, I wasn't as careful as I should be, and I let it slip that Bubba's bmom was also hers (she's a really smart cookie and she figured it out from what I thought was cryptic speaking). Anyway, we had semi-regular visits with their bmom until she had the baby (we're also fostering her) and shortly after the baby was born, bmom stopped all visits and stopped working her case plan. In April, we went to TPR and the bmom & bdad fought it, deciding the day of trial to relinquish. We had a goodbye visit in April and we had another visit the 1st of November.

In September, my dad passed away and Nik was crushed by her Papa passing. She also knows that her Grandma Bonnie (my MIL) passed before she was born.

Every week, at least 3 times a week, Nik's having crying fits because she's missing Papa, Grandma Bonnie or her bmom. When I say a crying fit, I mean crying for over an hour, hysterical, inconsolable crying.

Everything to her is drama to extremes. A common question dh and I ask is whether 5 is too young for PMS. Whenever she starts crying, I always ask her the same thing...tell me a happy memory. Sometimes it'll be 3 memories, sometimes 5, but the hope is that it will distract her from the sadness. Sometimes it works, sometimes not.

I do know the bmom has a mental illness (I think it's borderline personality). Any suggestions? I'm really worried about her.