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The thing is some people don't WANT to face reality and you can't make them. It is like a person who "knows" they are terminably ill but doesn't want to KNOW. It's almost as if by not saying it out loud you can make it not be true.

If that is how my parents have chosen to deal with the reality of adoption, then I will let them have that. Of course I don't HAVE to keep it a secret but I CHOOSE to. And no, I don't think they even faced that reality when they adopted me. It was privately handled through an intermediary who assured them my birthmother and I would NEVER find each other and went through extraordinary hanky panky with records so that it nearly was impossible. (Read 20 years of searching, 1000's of $$, and a private detective!)

Also, by telling them, I would have to face a different kind of guilt which comes from seeing how hurt my a-Mom would be. And make no mistake about it - she would be. If I have to live with guilt either way, it may as well be the one that spares someone else pain.

I appreciate your comments anyway. It's not that you don't have a point but my gut instinct (and my a-sister concurs) is to keep it quiet. BTW, what member of the triad are you?