[BlackSheep]

I can give you an opinion from both the adoptee and the birthmom point of view...since I am both and now in reunion with both my birth parents and my birth daughter.

I would not consider "hi-jacking" someone in this way. Now, this is just my opinion. I did not approach either of my birth parents directly on first contact, I had an "intermediary" contact them so that they had a choice, and if nothing else, got a message from me. I don't have any control over someone else's reaction, but I do have a choice over how I approach them and show them what kind of a person I am. If you approach as a self-centered, demanding person, I don't know how far you will get with anyone. I'm not sure how I would react if I was approached that way, you would probably get my "reaction" instead of who I really am.

As an adoptee, i can relate to your excitement and how you need closure. But, as a bmom too, there are the same emotions that you carry with the added burden that this is "your" choice. You still have to go on with life and try to "normal" even with this "secret". Some bmoms tell their spouses and children and other never say a word. I have experienced both with locating both bparents and now having been reunited with my bdaughter.

My bmom did tell her husband about me, so I wasn't a "secret" there; but, when I located and contacted my bdad, he hadn't told his wife or his children (but he has told his wife and we have had a couple of phone calls since). I found him and spoke to him for the first time last week.

I, as a bmom, did tell my dh about my bdaughter before we were married. I thought he deserved to know what may or may not happen in the future. Well, the same day that I spoke with my bdad the first time, my bdaughter emailed me. That was her first contact. That has gone well so far, but we are both just starting to get to know one another.

I have related only my experience and my opinion here. I hope you don't take offense, but I would strongly urge you to reconsider your plan. I have been in your shoes and also in your bmom's shoes. This is an area where first contacts are like a walking on thin ice so to speak. Please write a letter, email her, or ask someone to call and speak with her on the phone to make first contact. I think you will be surprised at how many emotions take over when you are actually there.

I pray that all goes well for you and you find all that you are seeking. Good Luck in whatever you decide to do.