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As an adoptee, I understand what you mean about your right to know, but no one has a totally fair life. People's parents die in accidents, and they'll never know their history. Parents leave in divorce and are never heard from again. You've waited this long, and you can't wait a bit longer to see if she wants contact? To send her questions and see if she answers them? You may not get anything giving her the shock of her life. Then again, you may get all you hope for.
I've never thought as an adoptee I have any right to insert myself into someone's life. Her husband and kids had no say either, and they deserve some consideration in all this. (if she has any)
Good luck whatever you decide to do.
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