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So what if I never get a response??? What if I ask if she wants a "mutual" first meeting and she doesn't answer or says NO? Should I respect the fact that she wants nothing to do with me when all I really want is answers. I'm not necessarily looking for a relationship....i need closure on a lot of things. Shouldn't she RESPECT my right to know certain things about who I am and where I came from?? And if I do send a letter....how long do you expect someone to wait for contact?? Because the anxiety of that could really tear someone apart.
And i'm not bringing friends to bombard her with 4 people. They are coming for moral support. I would never bombard someone with other people about something like this. I think after 27 years I have the right to answer!
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I think these are legitimate questions and fears, and I'm really hoping the other adult adoptees here who have had the same fears and questions can help address these questions.
You do have a moral right to know where you came from, but it can happen in a way that respects everyone's feelings or at least gives them a chance to process and respond.
Think about your need for moral support because this is such a huge thing...doesn't she deserve the chance to have that as well? Just showing up in front of her tomorrow gives her no warning, no support, and no preparation...all things that you have.
Adoptees...can anyone share your experience with dealing with the same very real fears and questions she has? Thank you!
I do wish you the best of luck in your reunion. I only advise against your current plan because I think it's the least likely to start things off well, and because I think it's unkind to her. She might say no...but she deserves the chance to be informed and make that choice and then you can go from there. Her "no" wouldn't necessarily mean the end of your story. Many adoptees here can attest to that.