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You did come asking for advice. My advice to send the letter also mentioned sending the standard postcard with the check boxes. It is simple way to let you know that she got the card. IMHO that is the best advice that you will get.
You've got a chance to do something a lot of us may never be able to do and I personally want you to have every advantage. I want every adoptee preparing to make that first contact to have the best possible chance because many reunions flounder and fail because it is a very emotionally charged situation.
You say that you don't want any relationship, which is fine, but giving her time to come with the emotions that she is bound to encounter will better suit your needs in the long run.
And as for the anxiety involved with waiting? Believe me that there are many here who've been dealing with that a lot longer than you or I. I know what it is like to wait for information from agencies and to anxiously check the mail every day hoping for a new tidbit.
Again, I am only 100% all for you. I just urge some prudence and stress the necessity of taking things slow.
Hopefully some birth mothers that were found by their children will add in what they felt when they got the first contact.
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