[ocracoke]

KC,

I think I read a lot into the original post because I have been involved with many discussions on other boards about this issue for months. Some of the issues that have been raised include cultural insensitivity such as not proper dress -- nobody wears shorts and women don't wear short dresses -- and eating with their left hand -- since food is traditionally eaten with hands on not utensils the right hand is for food and the left hand is for other hygiene things. Ethiopians as a whole are also a very polite people. This means that while they may be disapproving of your behavior, you may never be aware of it since they would never confront or correct you directly. I also think that Ethiopia is painfully aware that one of their largest "exports" right now is their children. Many adoptive parents have been staying in the Hilton or the Sheraton in Addis Ababa. Ethiopians see white people check in to these hotels and then check out with a healthy infants. So many people want infants when they adopt. Some people also have talked about stewardesses commenting about all the adoptive parents leaving the country with healthy infants. I was the only adoptive parent on my flight out of Ethiopia but many people say that there were other adoptive families on their flights. I know that while I was in Ethiopia many people thanked me for giving one of their children a home. And it really appears to me that Ethiopians see all the Ethiopian children as theirs -- whether they are related to them or not. I did have one gentleman see me walking with my daughter in Addis Ababa who was obviously displeased about me having my daughter and shook his head at me and "tsk"ed. I think it hurts their pride that they are so unable to care for the country's children that they must send them away. Just my guess.

I do know of several people who have returned to Ethiopia with their children adopted from there without issue. I fully intend to return with my daughter some day. I don't think this letter is suggesting that adoptive families be prohibited from returning to Ethiopia with their children at a later date. I think this is referring to just the adoption trip.

All that being said, my daughter really needed every possible moment for bonding when I first arrived. If I had only been able to spend a few hours a day with her it would have changed the bonding process. In addition, once she decided I was mom it was heart wrenching (on her )for her to return to the orphanage at night. So much so that I checked her out of the orphanage a few days before travel to stay with me permanently. She was clear with me (even at 21 months) that if I expected her to trust me that I needed to be with her full time. And I also had a terrible terrible terrible flight home and if she had not been thoroughly bonded to me by the flight home I can only imagine how much worse it could have been.

Some agencies offer guests houses on the orphanage grounds. This allows for you to have the child with you all the time. They also provide a nanny to care for your child if you wanted to go out shopping or whatever.

Samantha