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I am really struggling with an issue. I cannot, repeat CANNOT tell my a-family about finding my b-family. Whenever I try to talk to anyone about it they just tell me that eventually I have to do it. But it is not an option. period.

There are some things you just know and this is one of them. The reasons are myriad and complex. My a-parents live in a fantasy world and that is where they want to stay. I have chosen to respect their unspoken desire never to be reminded that I'm adopted. I could give example after example of their denial.

When my adopted sister was recently "found" by a full blooded brother she had never known about our parents reaction was to DENY that he was her brother and then refuse to ever talk it. Whether or not I agree with their attitude I will honor their wishes.

The problem is that it is putting a strain on my relationship with them as well as with my warm, loving, welcoming birthfamily whom I've just met. I feel like I'm having an affair! The worst part is having to make my children participate in keeping the secret. They met birth-grandma and now they can't say anthing to their grandparents about it. They understand the reasons but I still hate the deception. I am finding myself almost angry at my parents for putting me in this position. I guess their point of view would be that I put myself in the position by seeking out my birthfamily and perhaps that's so.

I'd like to hear from anyone who has dealt with this issue or has advice, insights, magic solutions, whatever! Thanks and best wishes to all.