[Tawnya]

Thank-you for an interesting forum full of your insights as a person adopted from India by a white American couple into the USA. You probably have a lot in common with those adopted domestically in the USA who have been adopted into families of a different race. Even in India, you will find this with children adopted into families of a different skin color, language, and background. Even the orphanage and the location of birth might not fully explain the ancestry and the birth family due to migration of people within India and South Asia in general.

As I was reading your posts, I also realized that your experience would probably be very different from those who are adopted into Indian (South Asian) American families and different from those who are living the Indian culture within the home and different from those living in higher population areas of South Asians.

While you seemed to have many similar thoughts and feelings as all adoptees have as they go through life, you seemed to struggle with being of a different skin color than your adoptive family, of not being raised in India, and not being immersed into India culture. The irony of it all is that India and South Asia overall is extremely diverse with regards to the languages, ethnicities, religions, and even skin colors so even if you were adopted within India, you still might not have matched the Indian identity of your birth family.

I wanted to tell you that I was sad to read that you found it difficult to keep your Indian name while growing up. I am a white American married to a South Asian with a long last name of 16 characters. I have always worked in public schools and regardless, the students and faculty/staff have always been taught how to pronounce and spell my surname. It's a matter of respect and pride in my husband's name. I encourage you to find a way to keep your Indian name in some way within your current and future life.
Your struggles of growing up as a minority (non-white) in a school and community where there were few like you reminded me of immigrants who come to the USA. The main difference between you and immigrants is that immigrants have an identity and tend to find others like themselves, even in rural areas, so there is a support system. I remember when we lived in a rural area and drove two hours to visit someone from my husband's country who was married to a white American. Some of your struggles may also be similar to other non-white students who were not adopted and not an immigrant, but who are in white dominant areas. You might reach out to these groups for support.

I was sad to read that your adoptive family, although they tried to educate you in a broad Indian culture, that according to what I understood from your posts (so correct me if incorrect), that they themselves did not become Indian. Is that correct in my understanding that their education was more superficial and not integrated into their daily lives within the home culture? I would encourage you to reach out to Indian cultural groups. You may feel overwhelmed when you realize that there are so many out there based on region of India, place of worship or religion (e.g., Christian, Catholic, Hindu, Jain, Sikh, Buddhist, Muslim), ethnicity and language (e.g. Tamil Sangam), in addition to the overall Indian associations. Reach out to these groups. They often offer language classes to adults (I'm working on learning Tamil through our local Tamil Sangam) and they have many cultural activities available to their communities. I know it will be scary at first to reach out because there will be an impression that there is a cultural and language disconnect. Don't let that scare you away. Many of them have lived in the states (USA) for many, many, many years meaning that they speak English exceptionally well and they know the American culture. Interact with them in English and through your own culture and tell them you want to learn. Look for culture brokers - friendly members of the group who want to teach you the language, will interpret for you at functions (as this is one of the few places members get a chance to speak the language), and will introduce you and teach you the culture in all of its nuances.

If you have the opportunity, I also encourage you to take some classes at a local university in South Asian studies and other departments focused on India. It would be a way to further develop your knowledge of your birth country's cultures and people.

Just as a FYI - You are eligible for the OCI and PIO cards through the Indian government. You might think of applying if you are interested one day to live in India and work there. You could do so as an American expatriate. There are US embassies, consulates, and the Department of Homeland Security. USAID is in operation there in India. You could also teach at an international school. Many Americans work abroad and then return back home later.

You might also find it interesting to read on the subject of adult third culture kids and third culture kids. These are terms developed by sociologists to describe people who grew up during some part of their childhood outside their passport country due to the work/employment of their parents. These kids were middle to upper class SES families where the parents worked in the military, diplomatic corp, international corporations, missionaries, or international education (school teachers). These kids have a mixture of cultures based on where they lived while growing up and where they went to school. Many have difficulties repatriating back to their passport countries. The issue of identity is one of interest to adult TCK's. You can find some you tube videos on TCK's.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading your posts and this thread on the international adoption forum. Thank-you for posting.

Tawnya K.