I'm so sorry I didn't get back to you until now.
I'm afraid that my daughter does have some hurt from my adopting her out, but although she also understands now, she still says things to let me know that she's hurt. I told her very truthfully about how it happened.
I told her what I went through by not having her in my life. The tearful days and nights, the anniversary of her birthday, what it was like, and how it tore my heart out when people asked me how many kids I have, and I didn't know how to answer. How people were quick to judge that I'd been a bad mother and the CPS took her (neither of which were true).
How I wrote to her on her birthday each year in a journal (I gave it to her after I found her).
The idea from the other person that answered you had a great idea. Keep a journal, and write everything in it. From the pain and hurt you're feeling, to how much you wish she were there with you. How you look for children that could be her. Tell her about the guilt and pain you feel when you hug your other child(ren) because you aren't hugging her, too.
How you wonder if her life is good..if she's happy, well adjusted, smart, shy or outgoing, if she has any of your traits, if she looks like you, if she is safe.
If you pray for her, write the prayer down. Pray for every aspect of her life...her health, her mind, her happiness, the way her adoptive family treats her, her choice of friends, her talents, her future husband and children...the list is endless. I wish I had written mine down. Then give that to her, too.
I got to meet my daughter last year (07), and my grandson, and her 2nd husband. When it was time to leave, it was just as hard leaving then as it was the 1st time.
Reunions are wonderful, but then there are new things to deal with...new hurts. But at least you'll have her in your life in some way.
I still cry about it, even though I found her in 05. I'm crying right now. She was 33 when I found her.
Take care, Hon. Get counseling if you don't already have it. I have PTSD from the adoption. It affected me in everything ... the way I treated people, the way I felt guilt because I loved my other 2 daughters..my trust of others. The depression, guilt, pain, anger, heartache, loss...the not knowing about her.
Sorry this is so long. I get on a soapbox, and want to be heard. I'm so emo!
