[live4rachael]

Wow, I love reading these. Every story is so different.

DH and I got married in Sep 2000. We waited a while before TTC, enjoying the company and getitng our lives "straight" so to speak. DH and I TTC'd for a year before getting pregnant with Rachael. A perfect pregnancy, the easiest L&D possible, an angelic newborn... until the diagnosis of Spinal Muscular Atrophy and watching our beautiful daughter eventually pass away in my arms just short of 8 months of age. SMA is a genetic neuromuscular condition and one that we had a 25% chance of having another child have. Immediately we agreed to never take that risk and he had the big "v". We knew we wanted to raise more children so adoption was the next idea, though neither of us knew much about it. We went to talk to a social worker who was also connected to an agency to learn how the process worked - but also told her it would be a while before she heard from us as we needed time to grieve.

Fast forward 17 months later. It was DH's birthday. I got a phone call from a previous co-worker (the future birthgrandmother) who remembered our story. She said the birthmom-to-be was 6 months pregnant and did not feel ready to raise a child. Their family had kept one of DH's letters after we had lost Rachael, and some of his words had stuck with the birthmom... that her angel day was to be a day of rejoicing and not sadness, even though we were very pained, that we should focus on what we learned from her in her short time, among other things. It had struck a chord with her because she had recently lost a young family member as well. Add to all of this that we are all practicing Catholics which she valued very much.

After calling our parents and catching our breath, we called a friend of ours who's a lawyer, and we called the social worker. Home study and all that jazz... I got home from work and the phone rang, she was just admitted to the hospital. We packed the car quickly and drove all through the night. 12 hours later and we had just missed the birth. But we were able to see the nurses hand Bella to her birthmom, who then handed her to me and said "Go see your mommy".

The hospital was phenomenal, we had a room of our own across the hall. We spent 16 days waiting for ICPC clearance. She showed us her town, we went on walks together, and ate several meals together. We really got to know her and it was really hard to say goodbye once we got the ICPC clearance.

We went in not knowing the term "open adoption" but certainly learned it along the way. It's wonderful and we are so blessed. Since we don't live nearby we've only been able to meet up twice so far (and will again for Thanksgiving in two weeks), but we stay in contact via email all the time, and sometimes by phone.

God works in mysterious ways. We still miss our Rachael and will always have a little hole in our hearts. But Bella is an INCREDIBLE joy and we never imagined it could be THIS GOOD. We are beyond blessed and we remind ourselves of that every day when we see her smile.