[melissa_bear003]

Originally Posted by SoniaRose

Melissa, I'm sorry that your husband's b-sibs have so many difficulties. Before I answered the query looking for me last year (posted by some 2nd cousins on my bdad's side), I set up a new email acct. so I couldn't be easily traced in case the people looking for me were undesirable. I would still "love" my sibs if they had turned out to be criminals or addicts, but I wouldn't want to get too close (for my own sanity).

I'll be honest, dh doesn't love his sibs, with the exception of the 2 we have an ongoing relationship with. They're simply dangerous strangers that share genetics. He tried to have relationships with them at the start, and blew up in his face. The one sister that he did have contact with when we were first married is now cut out, as she's also turned to drugs, has stolen from us, etc.

I'll go one step further in saying that I have a bdad and bbro that I don't love either. Neither of them are dangerous, addicts, etc...but they're strangers, and biology doesn't mean an instant bond of any sort...at least for me. I have a dad, and brothers that I was raised with, and other than a strong physical resemblance, there really wasn't anything to tie me to either my bdad or bbro. We were worlds apart in experience, memories, lives, even language. (Bdad and bbro are French Canadian) Add in some lies and broken promises by bdad, and it wasn't a loss on my part to shrug and walk away, more of a relief, actually.

I'm in an odd spot in the triad. Kinda 'half' adopted, in the sense that I grew up knowing that I had a bdad and bbro out there somewhere. Wife to an adoptee. Planning on being aparents. It gives me this weird perspective to see so many different angles and empathize with directly opposed views. I can understand the desire to know from the adoptee, I can understand the complete lack of interest from the birth sib side...Odd place to be.