[EZ2Luv]

To the OP, my heart truely goes out to you. Though I have no experience with adoption agencies, I am an adoptee that was blessed with wonderful parents and I pray that your children are equally blessed.
I am sorry you have had such a rough time with your past placements and that less than honest agency.
You are an honest and fair person, I can tell because of how you gave credit where credit was due. It is also obvious that you do love your children. Just because circumstance are not optimal for parenting at this time, does not mean you do not love your children. My suggestion is that whatever agency or facilitator you do choose that you would at least be able to recieve counseling.
I do know that there are some wonderful APs out there and it is evident on this forum. APs that will really honor an OA and keep their word.
Ordinarily when an Emom comes here I always suggest that she consider parenting if at all possible, but most that do come here are naive to the entire process. You have placed before, not that it make this any easier, but you know yourself better as to what you are able to do.
My best advise is since you do have time is to explore every option and know exactly what you want and expect for a plan. I cannot imaging e having to make such a choice, but I am sure there are PAPs out there that will meet you critera without you having to waiver to please them. No matter how much you like the PAPs, this is your baby and you do not owe anyone a child.
Again, I pray that God guides you and direct you and you are able to find peace in your decision.

EZ