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Another birthmom chiming in. Hopefully, some other late discovery adoptees will address your post, as they have direct experience with this, but I just wanted to say I am sorry you found out this way and wish your parents would have not kept this from you. I know you say your dad is not well, but I think I would try to approach him and let him know you discovered this. Could you talk to his doctor and find out if, indeed, this would put him in danger healthwise if you had this discussion? I think it would be hard to keep this all in and not let him know that you know the truth (finally!). Maybe if you approached him calmly (as calmly as you can!), he could give you more info about your background and could try to explain why this was kept from you, though I can't think of any reasons that are justifiable. The only thing I can say is back in the day when you were adopted, the parents were told to keep it secret and raise the child as if he or she was their own. Apparently, your parents took this advice to heart and once the secret was so ingrained, they saw no way to undo it. I wish they could have at least told you when you were questioning it at 18. It would have been difficult then, too, but I don't think as much as it is now. You can only move forward from here, though, and can't really look back on what could have been, etc. Can you get some counseling around this issue?? I also think it will be hard to keep from your husband. I know it's rough right now and your marriage is strained, but you keeping it to yourself is only continuing the big secret. I would take a bit of time to process this in yourself, and maybe seek out a counselor to help you disclose this to your husband, and possibly your dad, and go from there. I think you need your husband's support, and he may not know what to say, but it would be so hard to keep this to yourself and not share it with your spouse of 15 years.
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