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Welcome to the forums! I am another birthmom chiming in, but had a semi open adoption. I still communicate through an agency intermediary, and I'm not yet in reunion. My son accepts my correspondence, and has indicated he'd like to email, but is still not ready. I'm just waiting patiently and am scared sometimes (well, a lot of the time!), too.
I'd say if you had an open adoption, can you re-open it? He may not be ready yet at 18, but you can let him decide if he is or not. They always say males take longer for desiring contact, but I know there are several women here who have been reunited with sons who were younger. If he is not ready to meet, perhaps he'd be willing to send an update or just email once in awhile for now. You could always let him know you do not want to disrupt his life, but would love to reunite when and if he is ready.
Good luck to you, whatever you decide, and know we are here and many have gone through reunion and can help.
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