[BrandyHagz]

We all know and love her - so now it's time to reach out and support her - A member has asked me to post anonymously for her, so that she can get the support she needs as her child's adoption finalization nears.

If you'd rather PM me - I can forward your comments to the user.

Thank you in advance everyone:

I need some support from my fellow A.com members. Because of some paranoia on my part, I’m posting this anonymously. This weekend DH and I are finalizing our child’s adoption. We are traveling unexpectedly back to the state where the bfamily lives to do so. I’ve notified the bmom that we’re coming, and would love to see them. Bfamily consists of bmom, bdad and several parented children. I called bmom last minute and let her know SURPRISE, we are finalizing in their state after all and we'll be there in a week. I did let her know as soon as WE knew that we would be there. But talk about no time to process right? I'm just in a panic about it all. I'm a total control freak and I have no idea how this is going to "go down". We are expecting to meet her parented children, the oldest of which is in (I believe?) second grade. They know about our child, but I don't really know in what context. I don't know what they have been told, how they handle it, or how those kids will react. If they will get it at all, think their sibling is coming to stay, what will happen... I realize I just have to take that part as it comes, but it adds a whole OTHER dimension to things.

Then there is bdad. He has outwardly (to us) had a more difficult time than bmom. We have almost no contact with him (which I understand is typical) He’s almost never mentioned during communication except when I ask about him, and then bmom just says he’s having a hard time. Last time I called and he answered, he would barely acknowledge he even knew who I was. We had originally planned to go visit them a month or so back, but bdad told bmom it was too soon and we pushed the visit off. Now that we are going to be there anyway, I don't know what his feelings are.

And bmom. She attends therapy and a support group. The times that she mentions the support group she says a lot of stuff about how it empowers her in the adoption process, and tells her everything she can expect from an open adoption. I get the distinct impression that she is unhappy that she didn't request more when she made her adoption plan. The fact still remains though that she hasn't actually asked for anything. The paperwork we just barely got copies of state "contact" from birth till 4 or 6 months. That's really clear right? I have no idea if that is HER words, or the attorney. I'll fully admit that I should have opened this up and found out what she wants, but I'm really afraid now that she wants too much...more than we would have agreed to if it had been requested before we matched. We turned down several situations that required more contact than we were comfortable with. I’m open to more than letters and pictures with them now that we have an actual relationship with them, I’m just not sure if we’ll be on the same page as far as how much more they want, and we’re willing to bend. When we accepted the match, we were told letters and pictures occasionally. I also want there to be some responsibility on her for this open arrangement and so far anything I've tried to hold her too, she hasn't done. (We asked her to send us a family picture, or a few pictures of herself, bdad and bsiblings) Is it fair to “want” from her too? If she has requests for me regarding communication, can I also have requests for her? I don’t think visits (if she wants them) should be completely our responsibility. Yes we only have one child right now, but that could (will) change at some point. I have no idea if that's a lot to ask?

Anyway, I wish I could just post this out in the open, but my paranoia runs deep, so I'm reaching out anonymously hoping people an offer me some support. Some of you are clearly going to know who I am, but I know you can be discrete… Thank you all!