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I am an adoptee, I am a birthmother, AND I am an adoptive parent. I have no birth children of my own, nor do I know anyone that is my blood. This could be why I am about to bring up this subject, and I acknowledge that.

My adopted daughter was conceived by a woman who was trying to get pregnant so that her boyfriend at the time would marry her. He gave her the finger and walked out of her life. The woman then married a man (who I am now married to), who adopted this child and they had another of their own, then the mother walked out of both of their lives because she didn't want children. My adopted daughter is still being ignored by both of her real parents and has had to live with the trauma of knowing neither of her parents wanted her. The mother still keeps in touch with the younger of the two children.

I was 19 when I got pregnant and although my parents were behind me either way, I chose to give the child up for adoption because I knew he/she would go to a wonderful loving person, because that is what happened win my situation. I was raised by two loving parents that constantly reminded me that they waited years to get me and that I was no mistake or accident. Ever since that birth, I have found that I have a hard time getting pregnant, and then carrying the child. I had several miscarriages during a previous marriage. I practically begged my husband to go with me to a fertility specialist (I have never gone that route before due to expenses) and he absolutely refused, saying he has already raised his children. This was years ago, and now I have gotten over it (or so I thought) since I do have a family regardless of whether any of the children are my blood.

Now my husband's birth child (the one who is still in contact with her mother) is pregnant, and my husband wants to adopt and raise this baby. I am for putting the child up for adoption. He says we shouldn't because this child is our blood.

Help me understand the concept of not even considering adoption, and instead, bringing up a child in this environment, one in which neither parent wanted the child and it is raised by a grandparent?

And the bigger issue, why is it okay to raise this child but not at least try to help me have one of my own?

Anybody else out there in a similar situation? How did you deal with it?

I am hurt, angry, and at this point I have closed off discussion with my husband. I have even insinuated that this is a deal-breaker for me. Please help.