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im at a loss for words.
im taking birthing classes, which are freaken me out even more!
its getting unbareable when people ask me when im due with a huge smile on there face and ask what im having blah blah blah
no of my friends know what im doing, my friends back home so ive called this upon my self when they say they want pictures and get happy about it. i cant tell you why i havent told any of them.. they dont need to know
i so happy to meet her, i cant wait, i dont want to.
i wish i could not care SO much, with still caring but not have issuse effect as they do
i knwo for me things will not get easy, i wont allow my self to feel "okay"
and this is my battle that i have to face within
i dont give myself enough credit, i like to beat my self up.
going to councling, uhhhh i dont knwo its never really worked out for me in the past, i say thats what i think i need but i know thats not what i want or in my head what i need to do.
because of the influence of my mother and father i was tought many things that now i dont think should have been neaten into my head..
i was not allowed to cry or express my feelings, councling was out of the question. i dont knwo how to cope like everyone else
it will seem as if notihngs wrong
i will not allow my self the proper way to grive this will hit me years down the road
when my father died, i did not cry, i did not ask why, i moved on that same day as if i got news that milk has rotted
now a few years later i do not know what to do.
with my self, my feelings my life, about his death
this happened on Christmas of 07
so i can only imagin how AMAZING this christmas will be for me last year was horriable to be honest i dont remember it at all
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